saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
