Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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