I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
