If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize