When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
