god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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