there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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