We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How external is "for external use only"?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
