"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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