chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
