WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
