Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
