I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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