No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I looked at my own cervix.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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