Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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