dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
