Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
