Rock
Scissors
Fuck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
