i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
