Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
