so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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