im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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