I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize