I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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