Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
