Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
