SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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