my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
