i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
