My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
