i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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