I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
