No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize