I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
