you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
