i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want a musical about memes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
