I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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