we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
