yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
