last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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