Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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