I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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