No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
