May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
