I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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