also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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