and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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