Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
