More tranny stories later!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
