You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
