my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
