Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
