So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
