Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
40s are totally the cure
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
