My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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