Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
