Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize