I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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