i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
