so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
