Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
