I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
