I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
