FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
