hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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