I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Green mimosas i think yes
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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