Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
