I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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